Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
