6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
