She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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