A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
pray to the hookup gods
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
