i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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