Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
