it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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