At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
