i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
