All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
