I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
