also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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