but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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