i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i love accidental penises.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
