she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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