no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
