He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
