This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
