Apparently you make a good broom.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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