to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
