wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
