physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
