yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
