i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
