I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
someone owes me an orgasm
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just high enough for therapy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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