She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
