Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
