That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
