Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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