dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So. Much. Porn.
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