my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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