you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
