I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
