I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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