If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
