Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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