You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
