There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
