Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
