I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
