It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
