Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
