guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
her vagine was all disorganized.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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