She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
