I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
