Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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