Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
