so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i think im in europe. pls send help
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
