Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
