do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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