Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
