You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
